through these eyes
I'm in a new story...
Where to begin indeed...
It's a big story - it's shocked a few people already.
Part One is over here.
I'll post Part Two as soon as I can finish writing it, even though it could be part three (or four) by then...
"you don't see clouds like that any more...
well... maybe in the desert..."
posted by evenstar at 6:27 PM
33 Comments:
Hey Evenstar. Over here from Bean's blog, just leaving a comment to wish you strength and all the best in the difficult time to come!
So am I to understand that you are/were married with kids, and you're now leaving your family to be with Bean?
Looking forward to hearing your perspective on all this. Heve to admit, yesterday I went back and reread the comments on 'How She Makes Me Feel' -- and all I could thin was and They called ME cheeky! :-)
All my best for both you... always
tp
OK. I guess I'll accept that as an acceptable excuse for missing the Sky Orchestra.
DutchBitch: Thank you so much, that's much appreciated and probably needed more than I know yet... Cheers :)
Jeff: Well, I guess you should understand that my kids are all adults and I was in the process of sorting a marriage that's been unhappy for some time when Bean and I met. My marriage is now obviously over and that means Bean and I will be meeting soon, yes. I'll never leave my family though. I'm sorry if you disapprove - I understand how it looks...
tp: As usual tp, you always bring a smile to my face! Thanks! Writing this story is not coming easily... Hope to have something for you soon xx
anaglyph: Heh heh! Thanks Rev. I am sorry to have missed that though :(
So did you file for divorce first before Bean came along, since you've been unhappy for some time?
Well... first up, I wonder if the fact that this question was asked anonymously means it's rhetorical...
I'll answer it anyway though, because I understand this issue presses people's buttons and everyone likes having someone to blame. I'm happy to be blamed if it helps...
I hadn't filed for divorce. I hadn't given up and my partner hadn't asked me to. Àre you of the opinion I should I have spat the dummy and walked away as soon as our marriage became difficult and our happiness diminished?
Or perhaps you're of the belief that we need the approval of government before we can act on the honestly determined truth of what is in our hearts?
I'm sorry - I've never held that view...
Or is it a religious thing? That would make more sense, but I'm sorry about that too - I guess I'm going to hell...
I'm guilty of being gutless. That's certainly true. But I can't even regret that, because if I'd been braver this story might never have begun...
I'm truly sorry if I've offended you - I don't know what else to say...
Hey man, no need to get defensive, did the comment accuse you of anything? You sound like you got your hand caught in the cookie jar or something.
Edit; You got caught with your hand in the cookie jar :end edit
And yeah, it does sound like a bunch of double talk and bein' yella, what do you think you're in some kind of Hollywood romance?
Hey anon. I'm not being defensive. I tried to give you an honest answer to what was obviously a loaded question.
Now that you've continued (anonymously), it's pretty obvious your attitude is aggressive. I don't know how to respond to your latest comments without upping my own aggression level and I don't want to do that.
It's pretty obvious you have a problem dude. If you want to let us all know who you are and what your problem actually is, then perhaps we can have a meaningful discussion. Otherwise we should probably just forget it hey?
I was about to ask the same question as anon actually.
Although I don't agree with the aggressive tone that he used or how he followed up with it, I agree with him that you're being defensive. From my interpretation, it was a simple question, not a loaded one. He only asked you about the timing of things. You gave a long answer in which you try to guess what he's implying and protect yourself. He gave a single-line question, but you apologize in case you've offended him. You only needed to respond with "I hadn't filed for divorce. I hadn't given up and my partner hadn't asked me to.", and let him come up with his own conclusions.
The issue must press your buttons as well.
It's interesting that you say you're happy to be blamed "if it helps". Otherwise, you would have said "I'm happy to be blamed, because it's my fault". To me, this implies that you're willing to shoulder the blame, althugh you don't believe you caused the problems. Even though I haven't decided what to think yet, to me it's an honourable thing to do, and shows that you care enough about Bean that you don't want her to be hurt.
How long did you know Bean for before telling your wife about her?
Jeff, I think the difference in your interpretation regarding the intent of anon's first question might be a cultural one. To "file for divorce" here is very much a legal matter and has little to do with the actual state of the relationship, generally, except in conservative or religious families. It's a question that inspires the same assumptions about the questioner for me as I think it did for Evenstar.
I believe that question asked here would be interrogative, a question more about the soul or reputation than about honesty.
Perhaps I should leave Evenstar to explain this but I would like to note a couple of things in his defense. It sounds to me as if anon's second question should be interpreted "Were you honest with your wife?" and I would say that considering the immateriality of our relationship because it was conducted entirely online, he told her very soon indeed, long before I believe most people would have considered a confession justified.
When we began talking our feelings for one another (and their depth) were a surprise. At that stage Evenstar was still trying to find a way to save his marriage and it would have been irresponsible of him to jeopardise that by confessing to a relationship that we still had no real grip on ourselves. It was so new and it consisted only of words and feelings.
I can't see why you would actually need to know in terms of weeks and days (and that's all it came down to) exactly how long it took unless you have a personal interest in the story, in which case your anonymity is both unnecessary and dishonest yourself.
Well, you both set it out here on your own blogs as honesty. What's the harm in asking how long you two have known each other before Evanstar split from his wife. All I'm hearing is excuse upon excuse of extra text that side steps direct questions. It's not an issue of me being anon, that's something you and Evenstar seem to be obsessed about. If you're not going to be discreet or tactful about the whole situation, why don't you just spit it out for the whole world to know.
Another question for Evenstar, you left your wife because you two were unhappy but was it something that was an irreconcilable difference?
I thought all that text was trying to answer all the questions you are really asking, the sad subtext beneath the pretext.
It's putting discretion before honesty that places people in boxes of their own making so often. Tact and consideration are inherent in the *way* you say something, not whether you say it at all.
Hi Jeff...
I agree with him that you're being defensive. From my interpretation, it was a simple question, not a loaded one.
Well I guess it's all about interpretation and I'll certainly admit I'm no master of that. His followup certainly seems to confirm my initial intuition though...
I guess defensiveness could've become my default state since all this started too - not because I feel I've done anything wrong, but because it feels like a lot of folks just want to put the boot in on the basis of their own issues.
He only asked you about the timing of things. You gave a long answer in which you try to guess what he's implying and protect yourself. He gave a single-line question, but you apologize in case you've offended him. You only needed to respond with "I hadn't filed for divorce. I hadn't given up and my partner hadn't asked me to.", and let him come up with his own conclusions.
Um - OK. Sorry for not being aware of the protocols. I'm pretty new to this. You're right. I did respond on the basis of where I felt he was coming from. I still think I was right about that.
The issue must press your buttons as well.
Well of course it does - jeez - I'm only human!
It's interesting that you say you're happy to be blamed "if it helps". Otherwise, you would have said "I'm happy to be blamed, because it's my fault". To me, this implies that you're willing to shoulder the blame, althugh you don't believe you caused the problems. Even though I haven't decided what to think yet, to me it's an honourable thing to do, and shows that you care enough about Bean that you don't want her to be hurt.
Thanks for that Jeff. Heh heh! "care enough" That's the understatement of all time...
How long did you know Bean for before telling your wife about her?
You left your wife because you two were unhappy but was it something that was an irreconcilable difference?
Anonymous (and Jeff) seems inordinantly interested in the details of what would normally be deemed none of his business. Is it just plain rudeness on his part or something else? Your honesty thus far, is commendable Evenstar, but might be fueling a fire.
Just want the itty bitty gritty.
You should check out The Painted Veil
topsi! Hi! :)
Thanks for commenting ;)
Hey Evenstar,
Saturday evening where you are already, so this comes in a little late. :-) Wishing you a wonderful weekend, xo
Thanks Autumn :)
You must have thought it earlier though, no? Because today's been great and tonight and tomorrow are looking pretty good too!
I wish you a beauty too! Take care xox
F.F. Fluffy white clouds...
Evenstar: A very warm appreciation for the dignified and thoughtful responses you have given to the unnecessary and judgemental comments that some have left on this site. The beauty that you bring to us through words and images should not be maimed by other's wrongful and harsh perceptions of the miracles that have taken place in your life.
Judgemental others: if you dont have anything nice to say, then please kindly refrain from saying anything at all. This is a place where people come to seek more, to dig deeper (not into other people's business, but into life's miracles and mysteries.)
Everybody is doing the best they can, and sometimes life's miracles become shrouded in the complications that often arise when such beauty is taking place. (Is it the human condition that so wants to take something beautiful and turn it into a tragedy?)
Despite others' perceptions; the dream and wonder should remain the same. Well done Evenstar-
I take my hat off to you....
Everybody is doing the best they can, and sometimes life's miracles become shrouded in the complications that often arise when such beauty is taking place. (Is it the human condition that so wants to take something beautiful and turn it into a tragedy?)
All of you displace what beauty and tragedy is because of excuses like 'cultural differences' and changing times. Get your heads out of your asses.
Zenia: Welcome!
I don't know what to say other than thank you...
Thank you so much :) :) :)
How about if everyone came clean with agendas?
Is there anyone with more than a passing interest making comments?
What it looks like is close relatives jumping to defence.It leaves the rest of us to wonder why.
Hey Evenstar,
Just thought I should let you know I am getting back on deck, been a difficult time of late personally. have a look at my second blog to find out more: http://secretwaz.blogspot.com
Anonymous why don't you come clean first? Most of the comments here are not from family or relatives, rather from distant friends and other bloggers.
Good luck in your eagerly awaited rendevous.
Cheers
Waz
Hey Waz - sorry to hear you got crap going on too man - seems like all over the world at the moment!
Thanks for the update - I've had precious little time of late to get around everywhere I like to be. Don't have broadband right now either, which makes it take even longer....
Thanks for the support too, mate - gotta meet over that glass of wine one day eh? Hope it gets better for you fast! :)
Oh, Evenstar....
I've only just noticed how horribly wrong this threaed has gone...
Evreything I have seen -- both of you and Bean, and your history -- makes it impossible for me to belive that your have acted in any way that shoudl be scorend, as anonymous has done.
I'm sorry that he inevitable bullshit has arisen here... and I wish to reinforce the other comments: however difficult this time has been, I KNOW that you have done the best you can.
From the perspective of one who has pondered the depth and viability of the loves we hold to...
All my Love and Support,
tp
Hey tp :) Thanks sweetie!
Gone wrong? Nah - It's ALL good! As the song says: "got to scrape that shit right off your shoes..."
Your love and support means more than I can say... thank you so much.
xox
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